I’ve mentioned many times that by far my biggest weakness is the fear of failure & my striving to be perfect. I’ve had a fear of failure from as far back as I can remember. I’m not sure if my fear is the thought of me letting the people that are depending on me down or just the thought of not being successful. Perhaps it’s both. I’ve always had these weaknesses and at times they have become overwhelming. It’s during the overwhelming times that I feel that the weight of the world is placed directly on my shoulders and it’s up to me to carry the load. There have been times in my life when the weight of the world was only lightened by my drive for perfection. My fear of failure & my drive for perfection have been at war against each other for most of my life. I strive to achieve perfection in everything that I do but I fail miserably at achieving perfection. This has kept me in constant battle with myself.
“The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.”
Three years ago, I hit rock bottom when failure became a permanent fixture in my life. My poor decisions crushed the heart of the woman that loved me more than I could ever need. Those same decisions crushed the spirit & trust of my boys. I was no longer the man that they put upon their pedestal of admiration. Each day I saw in their eyes the heartache & pain that I created and their disappointment? What made it worse was that these were the three people that I loved most in the world and they depended on me the most. I had failed them miserably. Those thoughts consumed my days & nights until I could take it no longer. The thoughts of giving up on life began creeping in my mind. The more I thought about it the closer it came a reality. One evening Keri got on her knees and forced me to look her in her eyes.. She spoke to me with stern confidence and with tears rolling down her cheeks. Her words had never rang more true in my ears and were delivered from the bottom of her broken heart. She said, there was no one in this world that would ever love me like she does and see me like she does. She said she had forgiven me for what I had done but I needed to forgive myself. She told me I was free to go and do whatever I wanted to do but she would love me forever and she wasn’t ever going to give up on me. She told me that she felt God hand picked me for her because I was everything that she needed and that God picked her for me because she was everything that I wasn’t. There were many more things she said that evening but she made me realize that despite all the heartache and pain that I had caused she was still in love with me very much.. She loved me more than I could ever ask for in a life time. It was that evening that I accepted my failures. I still find myself from time to time battling my failure & perfection demons but now when they creep into my life I immediately remind myself that my failures were paid by the blood of a perfect Lamb.
Take your weaknesses to God and receive His Peace. Accept yourself and your circumstances as they are and remember that God is sovereign over everything. Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning. Instead, let thankfulness and trust be your guides through your day, that will keep you close to Him. As you live in the radiance of God’s Presence, His Peace will shine upon you. You will cease to notice how weak or strong you feel, because you will be focused on Him. The best way to get through the day is step by step with Him. Your intimate journey of trusting the path that God has you following leads to heaven.
“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.”
My CHALLENGE prayer for you…. During your weakness call upon Jesus to be your strength..
I hope you all have a MARVELOUS day… Blessings & much love….D
Live your life like it’s your LAST 24!!